well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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