she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
