I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
