no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
