he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
