I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize