i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
