did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
