all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
