Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
