Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
