I am puke
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
