But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
