I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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