Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
