my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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