I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Still dying that you shit outside
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
