I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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