You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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