That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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