This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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