My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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