I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
