I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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