pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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