I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
