I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
