Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
