; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
