I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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