So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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