i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
