she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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