I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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