You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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