Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
