I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
