She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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