Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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