We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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