yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize