I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
