and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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