Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
