i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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