just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
