so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
