ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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