yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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