Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
