so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
sex in a hospital.. check
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
