My sheets look like a crime scene.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
