i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Randomize
