I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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