Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She's the barista slut.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
