Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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