Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
