Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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