i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
