Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
