Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize