no, he came in my armpit
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
