i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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