Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Houston, we have a blender
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
