No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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