New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
