I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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